Finding a Christmas Tree
by Sakura Mau Toki
Summary: The Kanto Elites try to find the best tree, at the insistance of Lance, but end up with more than they bargained for.


**Authors Note: Yes I'm back with more fics, this time a lovely Christmas crack one. This fic is loosely based on the song 'The 12 Pains of Christmas' This is a fic BASED on and INSPIRED by the song with only a few lyrics being incorprated in the dialogue of the characters present in the fic. **

**Moving on! This fic also contains various shippings including but not limited to yaoi/shounen-ai, yuri (mostly shoujo-ai), and het along with some pairings that you may or may not like. If any of these things squick you then do not read. If you have no problem with any of the above then continue on~.**

**A quick than you goes out to my beta, SouthYorkshireNee-Chan, and to Kit for reading over this fic. Thank you muches! ^w^**

**DISCLAIMER: ****I don't own the song 'The 12 Pains of Christmas' or Pokemon or any of its characters, places, etc. ALL CREDIT GOES TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS!**

**Edit: This is going to be a oneshot only due to time constraints and lack of inspiration. Might add a second chapter but it will be out of order from the original song.**

**Title: Finding a Christmas tree**

**Summary: The Kanto elites try to find the best tree, at the insistance of Lance, but end up with more than they expected.**

**Rating: T+**

**Genre(s): Humor, parody, crack and romance.**

**Characters/Pairings: Lance, Lorelei, Agatha, Bruno, Green/Red.**

**Warnings: Mild language, yaoi and adult situations. **

**ONTO THE CRACK!**

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_The first thing at Christmas that is such a pain to me: is finding a Christmas tree._

"Alright guys, we're finally here!" Lance called out as the Kanto elites arrived at their destination, half of them not looking too enthusiastic about going into the woods before them.

"Why couldn't we just go to the mall and buy an artificial one? It would be much better and warmer than coming out into the middle of who knows where looking for one," Lorelei complained, wondering just where Lance's mind was at when coming up with such a bone headed scheme.

"I agree, and it's much too cold for this," Agatha added, scowling as the wind decided to pick up and nearly make off with her wool hat.

"For one thing, Lorelei, no artificial tree would be big enough for the building, and for another; it's tradition."

"It's still pointless," Lorelei grumbled as Lance ignored her, choosing instead to gaze into the woods before them.

"Are you sure that this is a good idea? I mean, what if we're trespassing on someone's private property?" Bruno asked, a bit wary about this whole thing as Lance scoffed at him.

"Please, this is the open woods! It belongs to no one so we're free to take whatever tree we want. People do this thing all the time! Now stop worrying and help me pick one out," Lance added, cutting Bruno off before he could protest.

"Hold on a second! Just where the hell is our champion? Or should I say _champions_?" Lorelei demanded, wondering where exactly Green and Red were. "Shouldn't they be helping us too?"

"They said they were too busy doing last minute things to join us, so they suggested we go without them." Lance replied with a dismissive way, heading into the woods as Bruno followed cautiously.

"Busy my ass," Lorelei muttered, her and Agatha following the other two into the woods, "more like they wormed their way out of it."

"Enough whining and more tree searching," Lance demanded as Lorelei snorted in reply.

"Yes sir," she replied sarcastically as Lance scowled, the later only stopping when he suddenly ran face first into the nearest tree.

"God damn tree," Lance growled, pointedly ignoring the snickers from the other two while Bruno examined said tree thoughtfully.

"This one might work, Lance," he murmured, gazing upwards to see if it could possibly fit into the building.

"It might...but,"

"But?"

"But _that_ one over there is perfect!" Lance exclaimed, pointing to a tree a little further down from where they were currently standing.

"Are you sure that's the one you want to go with?" Bruno asked once again as Lance nodded with a determined expression on his face.

"Great, now how the hell are we going to get it down and take it home?" Lorelei asked with a tone of impatience, wishing more than anything she was at the mall or her home on Sevii right about now.

"We cut it down of course. What else would we do?" Lance mocked, partly due to his lack of patience with her and partly because the answer was so _obvious_, at least to him.

"That still doesn't explain how we're going to get it home genius." Lorelei retorted, shooting the other a glare which Lance returned with great pleasure.

"Let's just cut it down and drag it to the van," Bruno murmured as Agatha nodded, "then we can all go home and get warmed up."

"Finally someone with some sense," Lorelei drawled, giving Lance a pointed look which only enraged the dragon master further.

"Wait; did anyone _actually_ bring anything to cut it down with?" Agatha asked as the entire group fell silent.

"...I knew I was forgetting something..!"

"Damnit Lance! Do you ever use your head!" Lorelei exclaimed, looking ready to kill the other where he stood, "now what the hell are we going to do!"

"I think there's a spare chainsaw in the back of the van," Bruno added as the group turned to him.

"Why would there be a spare chainsaw in the back of the van..? Never mind, I really don't want to know," Lorelei replied with a shiver as some unwanted thoughts came to mind.

"Just go get it so that we can go home already; it's too damn could out here!" Agatha snapped, silencing all further protests with a fierce glare.

"I'll go get it..." Bruno murmured, shuffling off as Lance made his way over to the tree in question.

"Just the perfect size," Lance commented happily as he neared the tree, already planning where it was going to go when he suddenly heard some noises nearby.

"Nngh... come _on_! Make _some_ noise would you? No one's out here!" A voice exclaimed with a frustrated sigh, causing Lance to raise an eyebrow. He knew that voice from somewhere, but where exactly he couldn't quite place. It wasn't until he neared the opposite side of the tree that the voice became clear to him.

"Damnit Red, no one's going to hear you so be _vocal_ for once!" Green exclaimed, becoming more frustrated as the other person, Lance assuming to be Red, didn't reply, as was usual for the silent raven haired boy. "I mean, who the hell else could _possibly_ be out here?"

Just as Lance made to comment, and embarrass the hell out of them in the process, he was cut short by Bruno approaching him.

"I got the chainsaw so let's cut it down," the larger said, turning on said chainsaw before the other could protest. Upon hearing the noise Green froze in place, swearing over and over mentally as Bruno neared the tree. Red, meanwhile, merely stared up at him as if to say 'move', to which Green replied with a glare.

"I know that!" he snapped, quickly pulling out of the other and scrambling away as Bruno cut into the tree. Red simply sat up and did himself up somewhat before the tree started to tip, quickly moving over to Green as said tree crashed onto the forest floor with a bang. Once all was said and done, however, Green was left to face the Kanto elites, face completely flushed as he quickly covered himself up.

"Um, Merry Christmas?" Green replied lamely as the other elites snickered, the corner of Reds' lips twitching upward as his lovers' face rivalled that of a red Christmas tree light. This was going to be a _very_ awkward Christmas.

**Fin**

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**A/N: Liked it? Didn't like it so much? Have some concrit? Then leave a review if you so choose. Thank you for reading~ **


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